On Making a Mistake

Let me preface this essay by noting that I am a nostalgic person. I enjoy remembering things in my past, especially my friends and neighbors I went to school with, in some cases as far back as kindergarten. I don’t dwell in the past but from time-to-time thinking about “the old days” is a pleasant past-time. The other thing that’s pertinent here is that I’ve moved into my “Third Chapter” of life (see Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot: The Third Chapter passion, risk, and adventure in the 25 years after 50. link: http://web2.bccls.org/web2/tramp2.exe/do_keyword_search/guest ) The third chapter is a time for among other things, reflection as well as thrusting yourself into the future.


A little over a year ago, just after Thanksgiving in 2008, I went to my 40th high school reunion. One of our classmates sponsored the event at his nightclub: thank you Brian! As an aside, the things you realize about reunions after about the 20th is that they are largely solo events. For the first few reunions spouses, mates and significant others attend – probably more out of a sense of obligation rather than actually wanting to be there. As time goes by the spouses et al., understanding that they don’t know, or don’t want to know, your old friends politely decline. So, by the 40th a good many of us show up unaccompanied.


It was great to see old friends, some I hadn’t seen for years and in a few cases, not since graduating from high school. That was 1968! There were people I had gone to kindergarten with in Watchung. As the night wore on we talked and drank and listened to Brian’s band – it was a great time! And of course, there were many remembrances of the good times: school dances, old flames, winning seasons and the like; and the bad times like the day we almost beat North Plainfield in a football game, our arch rival. Most of us agreed it was a bad call by the refs and Wes did actually break the plane of the goal line – I guess a few things will never be forgotten…


On my way home that night it occurred to me that I wanted to keep in touch with some of my old friends and not wait five or ten years for the next reunion. And periodically over the next year I made attempts to contact people – Brian’s original email invitation handily provided me with addresses. I was successful in a number of cases. Sometimes via email, sometimes by phone and a few times I had lunch or dinner with old classmates. At the end of each encounter we agreed that we’d keep in touch. Then, months later, it occurred to me that I hadn’t heard from people even after a little, and sometimes a lot, of prodding. I wasn’t hurt by the lack of response, but I was surprised. Thinking about it I guess it was hard for me to believe that others didn’t share my interest in re-connecting – surely you’d want to stay in touch fresh from a class reunion – the 40th no less.


I mulled this over for months and I’ve come to realize I had made a mistake. I realized that most of us really don’t want to stay in regular contact – we’ve grown up and moved on with our lives. Our current and future evolved from the past – the past is gone – we can’t go back. And for a nostalgic person like me it was a bit of a shock. Our memories are pleasant things we reflect back on once in a long while – that’s what reunions are for – they are one-night stands that bring us back to the old days – just for a little while. We enjoy the connection and then, just as fast as it came, it leaves us and we’re back to reality - moving on with our lives. The mistake I made was thinking reunions are a starting point. They are really anniversaries of an ending point that for us, happened in 1968. It took me a time to figure this out but I’m finally catching on.


And so, if you owe me a drink or lunch when we last met and you’d like to settle your account, by all means that would be great. After that, maybe when the next reunion comes around, we can say hello.


I wish everyone the best during our Third Chapter…take care…